i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So vagazzling was a success
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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