It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
