Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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