i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
