This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
