he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
