If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
