Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
