Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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