We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
