I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
