I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
