her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
