I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
