So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
