life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
