he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
