After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
