when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
