I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
only if we run a train.
done.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
