bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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