Sponge bath it is.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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