Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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