Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
