he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
