Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
