When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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