I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jรคger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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