So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
