Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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