dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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