this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
