this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
