I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
