I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
my poor anus
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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