Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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