so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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