wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
