I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
