I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
