I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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