i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
