I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
