Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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