I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
