she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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