i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
