My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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