Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
