dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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