he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
