His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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